10.8.11 ♥.
Today was by far my worst day at work - Waking up from the wrong side of bed, alighting at the wrong bus stop, feeling all dull and moody, doing costing calculations that can never seem to tally, making me all irritated, and having flashbacks which hit me again and again, leaving me feeling so distraught.
I wonder to myself repeatedly, why am i still so darn affected by the slightest things that shouldnt be my concern anymore? i've been trying so hard not to mind but it just keeps hounding me. This is getting so mentally exhausting it may prove too much for me to handle i might just collapse anytime.
There's only two things on my mind now, that is to know what the fuck i really want and what's best for myself.
Enough of sparing thoughts for others because kindness will only be taken for granted.
And being nice does not bring any benefit to me, for i'll only get hurt.
Last and final driving practical lesson just now, and i still got everything wrong.
Hopefully i'll be able to focus and be mentally prepared for the exam on Friday morning.
Motivation much needed, but i shant place any hopes lest i get disappointed and screw uppp. :/
Time has been crawling at snail's pace, i cant wait for this horrible day to be over.
Realised i havent been myself at all for the entire day, it must be one of those dreadful mood swings. Bahhhh !
I remember it all. I remember what shirts you wore, i remember the first text you sent to me. I remember your laughter, your smell, i remember the exact day of our first date. I remember every feeling i felt, i remember all the hopes i had, I remember everything i gave up. I remember how my life changed, i remember the things you said, I remember the first time you whispered those three words. I remember your shy smile, the way you played with my hair, the way you held me so tight I couldn’t breathe but i loved it more than anything else. I remember our first kiss, i remember the way your face stuck so close to mine, i remember the way my fingers fit so perfectly into yours. I remember everything about you; your perfect hair and your gorgeous face and the way you could never do anything wrong.
But I also remember the last day, the last faithfulness, the last happiness. I remember all the tears I cried, i remember feeling worthless, i remember waiting by my phone for the text that never came. I remember the lack of explanation, i remember being shoved away like I never meant anything to you at all. I remember feeling used and broken and like nobody understood, especially not you. I remember wondering how you could know everything about me, how I could give you every single piece of me and still not be enough for you. I remember each thing that made me smile, and each thing that made me cry. I remember thinking about you, dreaming about you, and wishing for you. I remember believing with all my heart that it would happen, expecting forever, and having my forever cut short. I remember drifting away from you, and drifting back to this relationship we like to call a friendship.
But you and me, we can never be friends. There’s always been something more in the way we look at each other, and you know it. So here I am, looking at you, feeling all the emotions i’ve always felt when i look at you. I know we can never have back what we had before, but maybe we can start something new. With tears welled up in my eyes, i recall each and every single thing that made You, that made Me, that made Us. I love you. And I remember. Now tell me you remember, too?
I wonder to myself repeatedly, why am i still so darn affected by the slightest things that shouldnt be my concern anymore? i've been trying so hard not to mind but it just keeps hounding me. This is getting so mentally exhausting it may prove too much for me to handle i might just collapse anytime.
There's only two things on my mind now, that is to know what the fuck i really want and what's best for myself.
Enough of sparing thoughts for others because kindness will only be taken for granted.
And being nice does not bring any benefit to me, for i'll only get hurt.
Last and final driving practical lesson just now, and i still got everything wrong.
Hopefully i'll be able to focus and be mentally prepared for the exam on Friday morning.
Motivation much needed, but i shant place any hopes lest i get disappointed and screw uppp. :/
Time has been crawling at snail's pace, i cant wait for this horrible day to be over.
Realised i havent been myself at all for the entire day, it must be one of those dreadful mood swings. Bahhhh !
I remember it all. I remember what shirts you wore, i remember the first text you sent to me. I remember your laughter, your smell, i remember the exact day of our first date. I remember every feeling i felt, i remember all the hopes i had, I remember everything i gave up. I remember how my life changed, i remember the things you said, I remember the first time you whispered those three words. I remember your shy smile, the way you played with my hair, the way you held me so tight I couldn’t breathe but i loved it more than anything else. I remember our first kiss, i remember the way your face stuck so close to mine, i remember the way my fingers fit so perfectly into yours. I remember everything about you; your perfect hair and your gorgeous face and the way you could never do anything wrong.
But I also remember the last day, the last faithfulness, the last happiness. I remember all the tears I cried, i remember feeling worthless, i remember waiting by my phone for the text that never came. I remember the lack of explanation, i remember being shoved away like I never meant anything to you at all. I remember feeling used and broken and like nobody understood, especially not you. I remember wondering how you could know everything about me, how I could give you every single piece of me and still not be enough for you. I remember each thing that made me smile, and each thing that made me cry. I remember thinking about you, dreaming about you, and wishing for you. I remember believing with all my heart that it would happen, expecting forever, and having my forever cut short. I remember drifting away from you, and drifting back to this relationship we like to call a friendship.
But you and me, we can never be friends. There’s always been something more in the way we look at each other, and you know it. So here I am, looking at you, feeling all the emotions i’ve always felt when i look at you. I know we can never have back what we had before, but maybe we can start something new. With tears welled up in my eyes, i recall each and every single thing that made You, that made Me, that made Us. I love you. And I remember. Now tell me you remember, too?
We could have been infinite. @ 11:28 PM
