Greetings to all, I know I've gone hiatus for like what, more than a year?

Yours Truly has been busy of late, and I've had either no time, or been too lazy to even move my arse outta the bed. 2013 has been reasonably kind to me, crossing fingers that this year would be fairly awesome too. What's past has passed, I choose to forget the bad and bring forward the good.

In a nutshell, all the struggling and procrastination of schooling has proven to be worthwhile. God has been good to me, and his Grace showered upon a wimp like me. Results have been pretty alright, considering the minimal amount of effort I've put in, and I have my classmates to thank, really, for helping me each step of the way. Now I'm on the last lap of my race before I officially begin my mundane, tolling life. One last year to go to complete this darn degree, and I'm really hoping that I'll have the self-discipline to be in school everyday, complete my assignments early, and friggin' study for my exams. It's do or die this year. Laughable as it may seem, my aim is to get First Class Honours, but I'll gladly settle for Second Upper seeing the standards of the course and considering the effort I've put in so far. (Y)

Studies aside, life has been great for every other aspect, I cannot ask for more at this point of time.
I'm learning to embrace the past and accept it, though thinking back or being reminded of it boils me inside. What's meant to be, will be. Contented with what I have now, and I know God has his plans for me. On a side note, I've been contemplating a lot on whether I should start blogging again on a regular basis, and poof! I finally decided to create a Dayre account after seeing some of my homiez blogging through that app. Thought it'll be cool to post from my phone, makes it so much easier and faster. I'll be forsaking this place for some time now, until one day I decide to create another lengthy post.

New year, new blog. Having so much lesser time in front of the lappy now, thus, this.
Follow me at http://dayre.me/brendacleopatra or just be my stalker for my bite-sized daily updates!
I'm still tryna get the hang of it, cos like always, I suck at learning new stuff like these.

Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/brenda.goldilocks ! (Since slowpoker me has no IG...)

Yes, I know what y'all gonna say. Im a twat for not having a Twitter/Instagram account but I'm just too stupid and old-fashioned. Justified by many of my friends hurrhurr. :P

Yeappp, so here's it. Cheers to all you bozzos, have a Happy New Year! Much Love~

I wish all these will come to an end. I need a life. I need to get my life back.

Dear Past,

Took me long to finally be able to pen my thoughts. I've sorted my thinking. I miss how cheerful and blissful I was two years ago. I miss how you would surprise me outside my school and at my workplace, bringing a smile to my face all the time. I never had to worry about anything at all and even if I hit any setbacks I knew things would be alright because you were here with me. I miss that sense of security you gave to me, and that sense of belonging which I was showered upon from you. I miss the little thrills you would give me, how you would prepare and plan everything for me nicely, just waiting to pamper me like a spoilt princess. I could depend on you for everything, and I was so comfortable all I felt whenever I was with you was pure bliss. I felt fortunate. I was blessed. Most of all, I miss how happy I was.

I felt nothing but pure happiness, and everyday when I woke up I would feel good, not like how I am now, so tired, so lethargic. Maybe I just want that feeling of not caring about unnecessary stuff like I felt before. My mind's not pure nor innocent anymore. I miss how gentle and demure I was, I hate how vulgar and full of hatred and anger I am now. I'm not the sweet-tempered little angel anymore, now I'm hot-headed and nothing near to being a yummy tart. I detest how scary I've become, doing things which I wouldn't have done in the past.

What we had was short-lived, but enough for me to remember how carefree I could be. I'm still working towards feeling this way again, though I'm not reaching my destination yet, but I'm on my way. I want all my worries, all the stress and all the unhappiness in me to be gone. I wanna be swept off my feet again.

Thank you for the ride.
I had a great journey. (:

Today, somebody important to me said I was a plain, old, naggy wife. Sometime ago I was told to dress up more. Before; I was too indifferent, too cold, too pretty, too popular - too good to be true. Now; I'm petty, naggy, irritating, crazy, demanding, used, torn - too average for you.

You can't see your changes, but the people around you can. And that includes me.

You've seen every part of me, now what?

This is not what I'm supposed to be feeling. I'm walking back onto the same wrong path. Need someone to be here for me whenever I need company. No need to talk or give me words or encouragement, just pure company - to sit beside me in silence for as long as I want, till I feel much better.

Tears are unspoken words from the heart.

Phone-blogging after 600 years.(:

Been jobless for slightly more than a month now, and school's been boring like always. Paper's in around a week plus's time but I've yet to get into the study mood. What's better is that my bloody assignment is due in 3 days and I've done shit. Life is such a bore now that the only thing which is actually worth looking forward to is my next weekend getaway, which I haven't planned or saved up yet. #sux2beme

Good Friday up ahead, gonna have some clean fun with the boyfr and 3 other friends, hope the weather would be graceful so as to not spoil the plan. And after the weekend, it's back to reality - MUG FOR EXAM! The new system sucks, we get like a paper in every 3 weeks and an assignment once a fortnight. Wtfbbq right?-.- And lessons start at unearthly timings, especially when I stay at somewhere so freaking inaccessible. #sux2beme

Rightttt. Gotta find a new way to get more income cos the pennies I have now ain't even enough for me to party a night. Body clock's screwed up once again and this time I'm getting lazier and scrawnier. Mood swings almost every hour of the day, losing my temper at the slightest things, repeating the same stuff over and over again and becoming more like a naggy old maid. What's happening to me? Zzz #SUX2BEME

I dont know why im feeling this way now, this shouldnt be the me now.
I'm supposed to be hard-hearted, not like this.
What's happening?

I'm walking towards the same wrong path again.
Didnt i already promise myself not to ever again?
Why am i having such emotions again?
I. Gotta. Stop.
Now.
Help.

It has been some time since im here, been so busy with work and my daily outings.
So sad to say, i've quit my job at the bank and decided to go back to study.
Cant bear to part with everyone, and the fact that i love my job, it's really such a pity.
But on the other hand when i've earned my degree i would be able to go back with a higher post and pay. Well, gotta wait till 3 years later then, i gotta be self-disciplined enough to study hard and go for lessons!!
Yeap, taking a break from everything now, shall relax for the time being and have fun.

I think somewhere along the way, i gave up. I got tired of always trying to make everything between us okay because i wanted you in my life. Then i realized that you didnt even care.
Maybe i realized it too late but it still hurts. Maybe i was hoping that we'll find a way to change and turn it back to what it used to be. I have to draw the line because there comes a point where i just had enough and i'd love to give up, but i never did. Now i think i have to stop because it's not fair to the both of us, especially me. It pains me to say this, cos i still care, but i have to tell you goodbye. I know what my problem is now. I cant let people go. I put in so much effort to have them in my life that i just hang onto them. But people change and things arent what they used to be anymore. I just wanna tell you that im happy youve stepped into and out of my life, even for that short-lived moments of joy. You've made me realize a lot of things about myself and the people around me. Im going to miss you, but for both our sakes, this is my goodbye.
I'm letting you go.

On a side note, Boyfriend and i are heading to Genting Highlands on the 16th~
Im so excited, it'll be our first trip out of town, and the first honeymoon, hehehe.
Welcome to my world, love. (:

Pictures from the last update, more to come when i blog the next time.
Im happy with my life and what i have now, time to give thanks^^

Dear readers, it has been some time since i've sat down to think and reflect on my life. Just gonna pen down some thoughts now, and will keep it short and sweet. I've been busy with work and im proud to say that im a month old on the job already, with zero mc/leave or whatsoever. My body clock has been adjusted back to that of a normal person, and i have cut down on the drinking and partying, not having late nights all the time already. I do hope that i would be able to keep up with this gusto that i have now and yes, lead an absolutely normal life.

The previous year i had a long list to my new year resolutions, and after re-reading them, i realize that not even the minority was accomplished. So this year i shall not be greedy, and i will just ask for one thing - I want to be happy. Yeah, that's it. Photos will be uploaded very soon when i have the time and prolly when im not lazy. There's too many to upload so yahhh, wait a lil.

In a nutshell, 2011 had been fucking awful and torturous. My life has never been so pathetic, depressing and meaningless ever before. I wouldnt spare the time and effort to explain again in detail what exactly made my life a shithole. I must say that after having gone through so much, my faith in God has increased pretty much and am thankful that ive made it through the rain. People say that when you lose something, you'll gain something. True enough, i have lost someone but have gained another. Comparisons need not be made, time will prove everything.

To You; I just wanna say, thank you for leaving me. Beyond the sadness and pain, you taught me a life lesson. I grew up. Im no longer the sweet young innocent little girl who is so fragile and weak. Im so much stronger now, and my life has been a complete change. You once made me the happiest girl and one that every other would envy. Thank you for every single thing, i know that you're happy now, and have found someone better. Now, i think it's my turn to be happy too. Let's both keep the memories etched at the back of our minds. I know it's time for me to let go and move on.

& to my dearest Boyfriend, i know how hard it has been on you for the past few months, and i know sorry doesnt amount to anything. Thank you for accepting me at my worst, showing me the care and concern that i do not deserve. I appreciate every little thing you have done for me, and somehow i feel that ive taken you for granted, thinking that you'll always be there no matter what happens and how i treat you. But it has also struck me that no matter how much you love me you might still get tired one day and leave. I dont wanna make the same mistake again, i dont want history to repeat itself, i dont wanna regret again. Everything you've said and promised me, i hope you'll walk the talk and not let me down. And i promise you, that i'll give my all and make things work out for us. Though we had a rocky start, im sure as time goes by we'll get better and better. Have faith in us.

I hope that this new year would be a much better year, and may all the unhappiness caused in 2011 be gone like the year itself.
Happy new year everyone(:

First week has passed since i started working.
Well i havent exactly been working as a teller yet, there's training programmes every single day for a month till i officially sit at the counter.
Good thing about the training is that they feed us well everyday with yummy breakfast and teabreak, and we still get paid our salary.
Bad thing is, there are tests everydayyy and we have to pass the tests in order to advance to the next module.
But, studying and doing well isnt a problem for Yours Truly^^

Turning in very early now, and so far i havent been dragging my feet to work.
That's a good sign, but i hope that i can keep up with this gusto now for the many months to come.

On a side note, i've started my DIET PLAN already, and it seems to be working cos i've managed to slim down a teeeny weeeeeny bit.
Thanks to Boyfriend who bought Reduze pills for me, and myself especially for curbing my cravings for food.
Im happy. There's improvement.(:

Starting another week of tiring work again tomorrow, paying attention to lessons and concentrating on the hands-on exercises given.
Praying hard that the week would be good !
Woots~
Pictures from the last 2 weeks, w/o makeup.

So my days of slacking are soon to be over; maybe a little too soon.
I have been eating well and sleeping well, and ive definitely put on a fair bit of weight.
Partying, shopping, holiday, and every other forms of enjoyment you can think of - you name it.
I've been there, and done that.

Today marks the second last night of my carefree and somewhat lazy lifestyle.
Yours Truly will be commencing work from Monday, 28th November 2011 onwards.
Weeks of training before i actually get to sit at the counter and start being a bank teller.
Excited much, but dreadful in a way that i've to sleep early and wake up early everyday again.

Routine life, here me come~ !

Im oh-so excited to get my new job started, which im gonna commence on the 28th of November.
Approximately 3 more weeks of fun before i start my routine life again - Forcing myself to wake up early in the morning, dragging my lazy self to work, yawning through the working hours, and finally hitting the sacks as soon as i reach home.
Yes, and the cycle repeats on until either i start taking weekly mcs or the bank decides to terminate me, whooops.

So life has been alright for me, not much of being awesome but at least things are getting back on track, i suppose(not?).
Recently somebody told me, "You'll never find the right person, if you never let go of the wrong one."
This got me thinking.
I have been so stuck in a quicksand for the past 9 months, and the only things that have been keeping my head above the mud are the helping hands of my dearest friends, who are trying so hard to walk through the hard times with me.
I havent for once struggled or attempted to push myself out of it, i havent put in much effort.
I will definitely get out, with determination and the continuous support of those who care.
I dont wanna continue sinking deeper, i wanna live again.

When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story.
Everyone has gone through something that has changed them.
Dont judge when you dont know what a person has gone through, everyone has different limits.
& i've given my broken relationship a serious thought.
Why still hope for the impossible and live miserably in the past?
Why not cherish and keep the precious memories close to my heart, and end things when they're most beautiful, instead of dragging on and having the risk of spoiling the good impression that we both gave to each other?
No point bickering over who's at fault, or why things ended up like this, or what we could have done to salvage the relationship.
Let's put an end to all these laments.
What matters most of all, is that what we felt was true and what we had was real.
Memories are such weird things, yet so remarkable.
Some will be forgotten after time passes, and however hard you try to recall you can never gather them again.
And you know some will stay with you, in perfect detail, for the rest of your life. ∞

To my Sheepy Boyfriend,
Time heals everything, proves everything, and shows everything.
I promise you i'll try hard, both for you and for myself.
Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Dont be afraid, or get insecure, for it'll only cause more mistrust and unnecessary arguments, which would further lead to irritation, exhaustion and destruction.
I think our love can do anything we want it to.♥

Photos from since i last blogged.





Horrendous i know.

QUEEN.

Brenda Yap.
21o892
I ♥ to eat.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." - Jeremiah 3:3


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